can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
