Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
