I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
MIDGETS
????
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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