Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
