I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
