You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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