Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize