your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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