just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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