Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
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I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
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ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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