I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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