I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
sarcasm needs its own font
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
