I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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