he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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