New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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