I bet he comes in French.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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