Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
