Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
