i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
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just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
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I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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