Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
