Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
