you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
