Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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