He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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