she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
