Your face is a jimmy john
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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