he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
