hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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