drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
