After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
