god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
