I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I got her a Nickelback box set.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Come on in and take your pants off
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