my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
