and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
