Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
