I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I wish you could order shots online.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You may now shotgun with the bride
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
