Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
