What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
