My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
