Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
