Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
