I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
