We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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