Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
