it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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