The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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