yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
