Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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