organizing the empties. That sober.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
