He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
