kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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