If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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