His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Do vagina's smell?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
