Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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