Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
just found out that she named her cat after me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
