maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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