never play flip cup with pint glasses
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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