OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
