I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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