I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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