Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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