We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
