Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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