If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
