Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
