I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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