Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
