Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
